I was watching Oprah today. It really made the old wheels turn. I have thought about the act of being a mom so much. I find it to be a very challenging job. I really wasn't ready for it. It kinda caught us by surprise, but that is for another post for another day.
At about six months postpartum with each of my children I get "weird." I just find I don't know who I am anymore. I feel as if I have lost myself. I get panicky and a little blue, some, like Hubbs, may even say depressed. I am not sure why. It could be hormones. It could be the change in routine. It could be the fact that I have focused so intently on a little creature for so many months I REALLY do not know who I am any more.
Here I am again at this point. Who am I? I love my kids, but I don't love motherhood. I don't like the job description, but I am not exactly sure how to rewrite the job description. part of the problem is, I don't think I knew exactly who I was BEFORE I had kids. So where do I begin.
I guess I begin by trying to figure out who I want to be. Does anyone know who I want to be? I think I want too much. I have never been much good at balance. I am not sure how I manage three kids without balance, but somehow I do it. Maybe I should start to find myself through balance.