Monday, April 6, 2009

Re-inventing Myself

I was watching Oprah today. It really made the old wheels turn. I have thought about the act of being a mom so much. I find it to be a very challenging job. I really wasn't ready for it. It kinda caught us by surprise, but that is for another post for another day.

At about six months postpartum with each of my children I get "weird." I just find I don't know who I am anymore. I feel as if I have lost myself. I get panicky and a little blue, some, like Hubbs, may even say depressed. I am not sure why. It could be hormones. It could be the change in routine. It could be the fact that I have focused so intently on a little creature for so many months I REALLY do not know who I am any more.

Here I am again at this point. Who am I? I love my kids, but I don't love motherhood. I don't like the job description, but I am not exactly sure how to rewrite the job description. part of the problem is, I don't think I knew exactly who I was BEFORE I had kids. So where do I begin.

I guess I begin by trying to figure out who I want to be. Does anyone know who I want to be? I think I want too much. I have never been much good at balance. I am not sure how I manage three kids without balance, but somehow I do it. Maybe I should start to find myself through balance.


  1. You know, I think it is something we all have a hard time with. I know I still have a deep desire to go to grad school, but where and how does one fit it in? Once summer starts maybe getting some time to yourself will help you re-discover or discover who you want to be. It also never hurts to ask who Heavenly Father wants you to be as well.

  2. Amen to that. I want to be so many things that I really can't be anything very good. I want to be a really great mom, but I can't because I want to do so many other things. My attention is pulled in so many different directions. I keep telling myself that there is a time and a season and right now I need to focus more on my mommy role.